As per government regulations (Political Wordplay Act of '69, section 34, "Pun regulation on sexual novelty items"), I am not permitted to mention the Obama dildo without coming up with at least three puns about it. I hearby submit to you the following acts of tortured wordplay:
1) Standing up for America
2) The best way to get a head in the polls
3) Remember to douche thoroughly before using to avoid getting Santorum in your primaries.
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